Starlight Romance || Seblaine

Sebastian didn’t see the look of fear on Blaine’s face; it was hard to understand what he was actually processing at that moment. All he could think and hear were the feelings of inadequacies, realizing that Blaine still didn’t have faith in him broke something inside of him. None of the reassurances or whispered words of affection, none of the soft touches, none of the countless hours spent holding him while he cried meant a thing. None of it would ever matter until Blaine trusted him, until Blaine saw once and for all that it didn’t matter what had happened—he would never leave him. To Sebastian it didn’t matter, not in that way, none of the things that Blaine had gone through would ever make Sebastian love him any less because in his eyes Blaine was still his Biche. He was strong in the face of everything and to Sebastian that strength was everything good and beautiful in the world, the only light there would ever be in his eyes. But Blaine didn’t trust him, didn’t have that same faith in him. It was like hearing his father’s words ringing in his ear on an endless loop, yelling right in his face about how poor of a job he was doing, how he was doing more damage than he’d ever done good. Maybe if he hadn’t pushed so hard, maybe if he never told him the therapists needed that journal, maybe then none of this would be happening. He knew that wasn’t fully true, that eventually somewhere down the road they’d come to a crashing point—he just never realized it would cut this deep.

“Bichette….” Sebastian sighed shaking his head with a frown when he felt Blaine slide out of his lap. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he’d given Blaine what he wanted and that should have been the end of the discussion. But now he’d upset him, made everything worse—he was out of his realm completely. He shook his head as he looked up at Blaine, it had been so long since Blaine had gotten on his knees in submission, just shortly after the disastrous first therapy session with Cia. Being on his knees in submission made their relationship unequal again, made Blaine dependent on him, unable to be himself—to be Blaine. Instead he was once again the slave to Sebastian’s Master, and it wasn’t who they were. “Biche, you don’t have to be sorry—I should…I should have thought. It’s my fault, not yours. I know you’re overwhelmed and it’s hard for you to get your head above water. I know that, I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.” He shook his head as he shifted to his knees in front of Blaine, sliding his hands over Blaine’s in order to keep him from digging his nails any further into his own legs. “We….we can figure something out, alright? Either I allow one therapist to read the journal so they can take the stand and testify on your behalf—or I read it and I am the one that testifies, no therapist or lawyer will ever see it. Either way, whoever reads it will destroy it immediately afterwards. One person, that’s it.”

What had only possibly been a few moments in time felt like an eternity to Blaine; he could feel every ounce of pressure his nails were forcing into his legs, he could hear the ring of his own heart pounding loudly in his ears, deafening him almost completely, and he could feel what little warmth was left in his body leeching out. Even with the sun beating down upon them he felt ice cold to the core. At the root of everything, and that was everything deep within him, the very core of him was the problem. Blaine trusted his Bastian explicitly; with every single beat of his head the golden eyed boy trusted the green eyed man. The real problem was that Blaine didn’t trust himself. He didn’t trust himself not to somehow screw life up again; he didn’t trust himself enough to allow himself an ounce of true hope; he didn’t trust himself not to completely screw up his Bastian’s life. Tears streamed down his face and he let out a broken sob when he felt Bastian’s hands wrap around his own; that contact that he lived for was given to him and he clung to those hands as if they were the last life line that he had. Because, for Blaine, they were. Without the man in front of him, the man that held onto his heart, Blaine knew full well that he would die; and if not by some other Master or Dominant’s hands than by his own. Blaine refused to live without his Bastian; everything else in his life had been taken from him and it would kill him if this amazing, beautiful and gentle person was taken from him. 

Blaine shook his head, messy and tangled curls flopping down into his tear stained eyes. “I-I do. Please…please don’t think this is…is about you. Or that-that it’s your f-fault.” The golden eyed boy stammered and stuttered so hard as he tried to communicate to his Bastian what it was that he was trying to say, what it was he was feeling and what he needed him to hear. His fingers clutched at Bastian’s hands, trying so hard to impart his thoughts through that simple touch. “B-Bastian I trust you….I-I live for you. I do-don’t trust me. What if….what if I mess up your life? Y-your father….he said I’d ruin it….what if he’s right? He said….said I’d get you killed…I can’t d-do that.” A hard shudder ran through his body as he remembered one of the few times Bastian’s father had come to speak with him while he had had Bastian and Blaine separated; when  the golden eyed boy had been lost with Master Marcus. Blaine shook his head again and took a deep, albeit shuddering, breath. “P-Please…you can read it. I trust you. I do. I trust you more th-than anyone else. “ Biting down hard on his lip, Blaine took a moment to be daring and moved closer so that his knees were between Bastian’s own and he could feel the warmth radiating off of the other man. “I love you, Bastian. I can’t…can’t let anything happen to you…b-because of me.”

(Source: boundwithbowties)

Starlight Romance || Seblaine

Sebastian continued running his fingers through Blaine’s soft thick curls, watching the way the tension leaked away from the lines dragging across his face. Stroking and playing with Blaine’s hair was only ever a temporary fix, a way to briefly bring the young boy back to the forefront of his psyche. There were issues at play that simple hair touches and physical comfort could never breach, and Sebastian knew that—it was why he’d let Blaine scream and yell at him during his tantrums, why he held him close even on the few occasions he tried to break free and hide. They had to push through it together, and one day it would all come easier. One day they’d be able to get through the day, even the bad ones with just a look or a shared smile, a simple gesture that reassured them both and got Blaine through his dark moments; but for now they had this—Sebastian holding him close and keeping him safe. He nodded when Blaine asked for his help. It was rare, having Blaine outright admit he needed something even now, questions were often answered in roundabout ways or answered how he thought Sebastian might want. To get a true request out of him was like a thousand tiny victories, rarely happened, but incredibly precious and special. “I can help you, Biche, that’s no trouble at all. We’ll get your curls tamed a bit and make them easier for you to manage on your own when you’re washing them, hmm? Sound good?”

Of course Sebastian knew they weren’t just talking about haircuts, that was just a subject Blaine could latch onto and hide behind for a while longer. In the end it was all about the control of the situation, being able to have a say not only in the way their talk was going, but a say in his own life. Sebastian was more than careful to give Blaine measured control, too much overwhelmed him and too little would revert them backwards to a point where Sebastian was seen as the controller once again. “Ma Biche…” Sebastian sighed as he squeezed his eyes closed against the vision of Blaine looking so in pain and lost, pleading at him, begging for him to listen. He hated causing this sweet boy so much pain and he was torn. Sebastian needed to know, not only for the purpose of the trial and being able to fight for Blaine’s freedom once and for all; but because Sebastian was selfish and he needed to know what had happened. He needed to know what his boy had been put through, what dark corners were still lost to him, he needed to know what nightmares he’d been put through, every last one. “I…” He shook his head as Blaine’s pleading heightened, it wasn’t until Blaine slipped and referred to him as Master again that it struck him how selfish and cruel he was being. He was putting his needs ahead of Blaine’s, he was doing exactly what he’d swore he wouldn’t. And above it all he was wounded that Blaine still thought so little of him, still didn’t trust him when he said he would never be taken away, never leave, that even now Blaine didn’t have faith in him. “…Okay.” Sebastian’s voice was faint as he let his head rest back against the wood of the tree staring off at the sky, “I won’t read it. I’ll have the doctor and lawyers give me my talking points, but…until you say, I won’t read a word of it. I won’t know what you wrote.”

Blaine hadn’t realized what words he had been using when he had started pleading with Bastian; he had in no way meant to use that word, he never had any intention of using that word again. He knew just how much Bastian hated it; Bastian had told him that it was simply a title out of necessity but that it was one he hated hearing. So when the word slipped out of his mouth and he finally registered what he had said look of sheer terror had crossed his face and he lost just a little bit more of himself into that terror that was building in him. What had he done? Hearing Bastian’s voice so soft and feeling him pulling back, even if it was just his head, Blaine knew he had overstepped somewhere. But it wasn’t just Bastian he didn’t want reading it; Blaine wanted that journal’s very existence to blink out. If he could just get rid of it then Bastian would never know the depths to which he was used and he was broken. For all the times that Bastian told him that he wasn’t broken, that there was nothing wrong with him, Blaine knew better. The man he loved didn’t know the gritty details of his past, how many times he was passed around or….or how many skeletons were residing in his actual past; and some skeletons he wished weren’t.

Hearing Bastian saying that the doctor and the lawyers were still going to give him the talking points reminded him that it wasn’t just Bastian that needed to read it. There were the doctors that all demanded to read it, there were the lawyers that said they had to know, there were the therapists that said they had to know so that they could help him ‘heal’….it wasn’t right of him to ask Bastian not to read it. Especially when there was always the chance that it was going to end up getting leaked and that terrified him. He had absolute faith and trust in Bastian but Blaine didn’t know how anyone could love him after they learned the full extent of his background. He just had to hold on to what little hope there was that Bastian could see through his past to the man he was before him. With a soft hiccupping breath Blaine carefully moved so that he found himself kneeling before Bastian; hands pressed palm down onto his thighs and his head down. He was lost and the beacon of a man before him needed to be apologized to. “B-Bastian….I’m so-sorry. I’m scared. I-I know you-you need to read it. You can…you can. I’m sorry.” There was no stopping the tears that were running silently down his cheeks again. “Y-you should…should read it…before they do. Read it.” He kept his eyes downcast as he let himself get a little more lost in his own mind. He wanted so much to reach out, to touch Bastian and get that comfort but he wasn’t sure if he was mad at him or whether he actually still wanted to be touched.  Instead he dug his own nails into his own thighs and let himself focus on the pain that that caused.

(Source: boundwithbowties)

Starlight Romance || Seblaine

Sebastian knew how important touch was for Blaine, touch was what anchored Blaine in place. It gave him the chance to feel that he was safe—safe and secure. Blaine had spent all of his life denied the basic touches of admiration and intimacy, the general touches that came so naturally to others. The most basic of touches, brushing hair out of his eyes, a pat on the back, resting against someone else for warmth while watching a movie—little every day touches that went unnoticed by the rest of humanity—they were a monumental climb for Blaine and Sebastian kept that in mind at all times. Blaine’s world was constantly in flux, no matter the structure and guidance he tried to put in place, Sebastian couldn’t keep everything from changing constantly. Of course that was life, but for Blaine it was something that made life increasingly more difficult. He needed structure and routine, of course none of that was possible until the trials were out of the way for good. Sebastian’s eyebrows rose at Blaine’s questions about scissors, he nodded as he carefully drew his fingertips along Blaine’s curls careful not to tug on any knots. “If you want a haircut then we can most definitely get that worked out for you, Biche.” He pressed another kiss to Blaine’s forehead to help him calm down again. He could see the stress and tension bubbling up in him at the idea of asking for anything, even something as needed as personal grooming help.

When they settled onto the blanket Sebastian studied Blaine, Blaine was curled up in a small ball looking so overwhelmed and terrified that it tore at Sebastian’s heart. It was so easy to forget for others, easy to see the way Blaine smiled or played with Binx and think he was getting healthy, think he was ‘normal’; but Sebastian could see the struggle all too clear. “Love…” H scooted across the blanket to settle back against the tree and tug Blaine solidly onto his lap, kissing the back of his head, “It won’t be a bother at all, and if you’ll let me, I’d love to help you cut your hair. But I won’t take that control away from you—okay? If you want to do it on your own then I’ll set up my razor in the bathroom for you and let you have at it. But if you’d like my help I will be more than happy to do so, you know I love your hair, I wouldn’t mind helping you style it.” He massaged the back of Blaine’s neck gently as he let Blaine ramble and babble away until the real problem came out, he sighed as he pressed a kiss to the back of his neck through his mess of curls. “I do, biche. I need to know what you’ve gone through, I need to be able to see it through your eyes. I know it scares you and it’s hard to understand but I need to know what that monster did to you.”

Those golden eyes closed as he felt his Bastian’s fingers glide carefully through his curls, cherishing that touch and the positive reinforcement that he was getting for actually opening up and speaking. He knew that Bastian would absolutely never push him to speak when he wasn’t ready but he also knew that Bastian loved when he opened up and spoke to him about what was going on in his head. Blaine was trying, he really was, and he knew that Bastian could see that; it was just hard for him to articulate what it was that was going on in his head. But he had gotten better in the time he had been with Bastian. He licked his lips when Bastian offered to help him cut his hair; his body sagging just a little bit as he nodded. He was beyond relieved that Bastian was willing to help him. While he was more than willing to cut his own hair himself he had never been able to get it right; always ending in…him…buzzing all of his hair off because he looked like a ‘disgrace’. “N-no. Please? I want- I’ll need your help.” He was leaning back against Bastian’s chest, his body still tense but warmth leeching from Bastian to him as he was snuggled back against him. Despite the sun shining upon them he still felt cold; and the topic didn’t help matters much either.

Blaine could feel despair course through his body, he could feel the foreign tendrils of irrational anger cropping up because he had yet to find a way to keep Bastian from reading that book. It wasn’t as though he could simply have not written it; he had been asked, or rather told, to do it and that was what he had done, because he was a good boy. But he wished he could just light it on fire. In fact, if he didn’t know that he would get in severe trouble for it he would find a way tonight to destroy it before Bastian read it. “You-you don’t. I-I promise. He was just……he was a bad M-Master. Bad…father. He did….things and used me but you don’t….” He was trying so hard to make not hyperventilate while at the same time trying with all his might to make sure that he didn’t suddenly start yelling. It unnerved him when he lost control over himself when it came to those outbursts. He could feel his body vibrating and raising to that point again and it brought tears to his eyes; he felt so out of control so suddenly that he didn’t know what to do. “Please….it-it’s bad….I’m bad in it and you don’t….I don’t want you to read it….if you…if you read it….you’ll know and you might just-just send me away and I can’t….I can’t do that again. Bastian….Master please? Please, don’t.” His voice tapered off to barely even there as he tried so hard to keep a firm control over himself; doing everything in his power to keep the tears from streaming down his cheeks and breaking down again.

(Source: boundwithbowties)

Starlight Romance || Seblaine

When he felt Blaine settle in closer to his side at the mention of the doctor Sebastian sighed and wrapped his arm around Blaine’s waist. He knew there were still some bumps in the road for them, the largest one was working past the innate distrust of his doctor, and then there were the tantrums that seemed to be popping up more and more often. Not that Sebastian faulted Blaine for the outbursts, he was actually surprised there weren’t more of those outbursts—it was still a bit of a learning curve to handle. Sebastian knew the yelling and anger was just the pent up fear surging through Blaine, a lot of it coming from a place Blaine may not even fully recognize within himself just yet, so even though it hurt to be called names and be screamed at that he was hurting Blaine he knew in the end it wasn’t true. Blaine needed a place to put the blame and blow the steam off and he was an easy and always willing target. He’d do anything for him, even take the punches when they came.

“Then we’ll stay out here a while longer.” Sebastian pressed his lips into Blaine’s dark raggedy curls before glancing at Marco, it had been a long time since Blaine acted skittish or uncomfortable around the man which meant he was already well on his way to being on the edge again and they had barely even been in the institute walls for a few hours. He sighed, “I’ll bring my paperwork to you when we come in later.” Marco nodded, he could see how tense Sebastian was so he didn’t say anything else before heading back inside to leave the boys alone for a while longer. Or at least as alone as you could be in monitored facility. Sebastian wrapped his arms around Blaine kissing his forehead lightly, “Hey, breathe, it’s just us here. What can I do to help you?” Sebastian carefully ran his fingers through Blaine’s curls trying to break through his freak out.

Touch, touch was such a small and simple thing and yet the results it elicited from the shorter man were nothing short of miraculous. It didn’t matter how wound up, worked up or stuck in his own mind Blaine was, when Bastian held him close or even just held his hand he felt instantly better; maybe not completely better but it was a noticeable difference. So when the taller man pulled him in closer and wrapped his arms completely around Blaine’s slight frame things started getting better. When he pressed a light kiss to the golden eyed boy’s forehead, he felt the panic that had started to rise in his gut about cutting his hair settle back down. And when Bastian ran his fingers through Blaine’s curls it was like they were a salve that was soothing an open wound. Golden eyes watched the door as it finally closed completely before he looked up at his Bastian. What could he do to help? That was always the question wasn’t it? Blaine chewed on his lip for a little bit before he finally looked up at Bastian; eyes trailing over each and every one of Bastian’s features as he tried to piece together exactly what he wanted to say. He knew it drove Bastian crazy when he didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it; especially when it appeared to be causing Blaine the level of distress that this whole ‘hair cut’ ordeal had caused him today. “Later….do you think later when we go in…if you aren’t too busy…could you get me a pair of scissors? I think it’s time for a haircut.” His voice was super soft even as he walked with Bastian back to their blanket.

Blaine sat down once they made it to the blanket, carefully pulling Bastian down beside him before he wrapped his arms around his knees and pulled them tight against his chest. “I can…I can do it when you are working…I just….It’s getting hard and it hurts when it gets tangled.” He babbled a little bit, trailing off when Binx came over and started licking him; eventually managing to get a small laugh from the smaller man before laying down in as much of his lap as possible, even going so far as to force Blaine’s legs out straight so that he could get more contact. Once the dog was comfortably pinning his legs down, Blaine leaned into Bastian’s side. “I don’t….I don’t want you to feel like….I don’t want to bother you with it. I can…I can do it.” He closed his eyes as he leaned in closer. Blaine knew deep down that Bastian had so much going on that was already stressing him out to no ends; he could feel the tension along the other man’s shoulders and the knots in the muscles of his back. All this stress, the anxiety and the tension he could feel radiating through his Bastian he knew was his fault. “I can do that and then…when you’re done or when you…when you have a bit I can give you a back rub or or something?” He offered as he peaked up at the taller man through his lashes; trying to gauge just how stressed out he was at that point in time. His eyes drifting back down to look at the journal as it rested in Bastian’s hands; that journal was the hardest part of everything thus far. “Or If you want…I could…could just leave you a-alone. Yo-you’re sure you still have to read that?” His voice was a little shaky as he brought up the touchy subject.

(Source: boundwithbowties)

Starlight Romance || Seblaine

bastiantheprotector:

Sebastian kept his eyes on Blaine the entire time he was talking with Marco. He never gave his full attention to anyone these days. The only one who ever got his entire focus was Blaine himself, so even when he was talking with doctors, lawyers or his own staff—Blaine was always his top focus. So he kept an eye on Blaine as the boy worked on his journal, scribbling away to the point that it looked like he would actually run out of pages in the thick journal he’d been given. Most boys filled the things maybe half way at most, but Blaine was well into the final section of the book and Sebastian half wondered if he would need to get a second journal for him. He knew the doctors were angry over the hold up in getting the journal, and even more outraged that Sebastian was demanding to read the journal first before handing it over. He also knew that Blaine didn’t understand why he had to read it before anyone else. That journal was filled with every memory, every instance of pain and suffering Blaine had gone through in life, and he needed to know what was in it. He knew he’d probably never be able to have Blaine talk to him, but he needed to know what he’d gone through, needed to know the pain he was in—needed to know everything.

“How’s the kid doing? Since he found the body, I mean.” Sebastian sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck, “It’s been…rough.” He shook his head keeping his voice low, he knew that Blaine couldn’t hear him from his place under the shade of the tree, but he couldn’t talk about this without keeping his voice soft. “He’s been having more nightmares, but that’s only when he’s able to sleep at all.” Sebastian ran a hand over his face as he thought about it all; Blaine was still struggling, and dealing with this journal on top of it worried Sebastian. He was just being dealt so many hands at once that Sebastian often worried Blaine would crumble under the weight of it all. “Have some faith, Bas, he’ll pull through it with you by him. Give him a chance.” Sebastian nodded before he was looking up as Blaine walked in closer, he licked his lips as he took the journal from him, “Thank you, Biche.” He looked at Marco, “Let Cia know she’ll have it first thing in the morning.” When Marco nodded Sebastian turned to Blaine, “You want to stay out here a while longer, or head inside?”

Golden eyes watched as the book slipped from his fingers and into his Bastian’s hands, fear and pain caused those eyes to glitter as he watched what might as well be what had been his world up until this point slipping out of his control. Blaine knew that Bastian was going to read the book, he had told him flat out from the get go that he had to read it and no matter how many times Blaine tried to plead and beg  for him to just hand it over Bastian had been adamant that he was reading it first. To Bastian’s credit, it hadn’t even fazed him when Blaine had utterly broken down and had what was later explained to him to be a full blown tantrum. The outburst had absolutely shocked Blaine, scaring the daylights out of him; and he didn’t even know where the outburst had come from. But Bastian had taken it in stride and had managed to get Blaine back under control after only a little while before. His Bastian had assured him that it was alright and that moments like that happened and that there was no reason for him to be scared. And as always with his Bastian, he hit the nail right on the head. Blaine had never in his life had such an outburst, at least not ever that he remembered, and the thought that he had yelled at Bastian had him shaking in fear. For sure he would be sent away now, Bastian wouldn’t want him if he started yelling at him; that wasn’t the trait of a good boy. As always, Bastian reassured him that he wasn’t being sent anywhere.

Just hearing the doctor’s name made Blaine shudder and move just that little bit closer to Bastian’s side; he still wasn’t completely trusting of that woman. Her questions had left a bad imprint on him and that was still so fresh on top of everything that going on at the moment; the last thing he wanted or needed at the moment was seeing that pushy woman. Bastian’s question, paired with the light pain radiating from the scar on his skull, reminded Blaine that they were still outside and a storm was slowly pushing in. He cast a slightly nervous glance at Marco before looking back at Bastian. “Can we- can we stay out here? At least until the weather gets um gets worse? B-Binx is enjoying the garden and you um you relax more when we um we aren’t in there.” He rubbed unconsciously at the scar at the back of his head; his fingers tangling in his curls and resolving to finally give in and cut his curls when he had to pull apart a knot at one point. It was getting to the point that he was working out more knots than anything in the mornings and that was actually starting to hurt. “Um…unless you um…you want to go in and we can…well you can….or maybe I should do it….” He didn’t even realize that he hadn’t actually finished his sentence, he was just getting worked up the more that he tried to figure out how he was going to cut his hair.

(Source: boundwithbowties)

Starlight Romance || Seblaine

bastiantheprotector:

Sebastian just held onto Blaine for a while, still playing with Blaine’s curls as they enjoyed their moment together. Like Blaine, Sebastian was comfortable with silence, in fact when he thought about the obnoxious noises and constant yells or tantrums that plagued the halls of the facility; he knew that he actually preferred the silence that permeated the garden at the moment.  So he closed his eyes and just soaked in this moment, the talks about haircuts or trial prep could wait; the questions about what was in that journal, none of that mattered. He was pulled from his blissful moment of peace by Blaine shifting away from his chest and out of his arms. He barely managed to keep the pout off of his face as he let Blaine settle beside him again. He knew Blaine was trying to fulfill his promise, to be a good boy, and finish out his journal so they could go on and just enjoy the rest of their day together; but that didn’t mean Sebastian had to enjoy the fact Blaine wasn’t sitting on his lap any longer. “Okay, Biche…” He sighed softly running his hand one more time through Blaine’s curls in praise so he’d know he wasn’t upset with his decision, he didn’t want Blaine feeling bad, after all.

He stared blankly at his paperwork again as he tried to get his brain in gear and get his own work done while Blaine did his. Sebastian found it charming, and a little funny, that Blaine was the one being responsible and focusing on work meanwhile he was trying to decide if he could get away with handing his paperwork off on someone else so he could just give Blaine constant touch and affection instead. Sighing he looked up and noticing Marco he rubbed Blaine’s shoulder gently, “I’ll be right back, Biche.” As he got up Binx quickly took his spot laying down snug against Blaine’s side. Walking across the garden to address the older man Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck with a groan as it pulled his muscles some. “What’s the matter old man, can’t take the long nights?” Marco chuckled in amusement as Sebastian just responded with flipping him off. Rolling his eyes he sighed, “Doc needs to know if that journal is done yet.” Sebastian shook his head, “No, but he’s almost there and before you ask no I haven’t read it yet, he asked me not to until he said it was okay—he said he needed to be able to prepare himself for me reading it.” Marco nodded, “You know you have to read it before the trial, right?” Sebastian just sighed and nodded, he knew, he just wasn’t sure either of them were ready for that, both men turned to watch Blaine as he wrote in his journal, “I just need to give him as much control as he can get right now.”

The more he wrote, that tighter Blaine curled in onto himself; both physically and mentally. So much so that he didn’t even completely register that his Bastian had gotten up from the blanket they had been sitting on or that Binx had curled around him to help remind him that he wasn’t alone. He had heard what Bastian had said, he had even nodded to let Bastian know that he had understood but he was unable to actively do much more than that. He knew that he needed to finish this hell book, and that he needed to finish it soon. Not only were the people for the court case waiting for it but, much to his heart ache, Bastian had to read it as well; Blaine knew that Bastian had to read it before the doctor or the lawyers did. He didn’t know why Bastian had to read it, only that he did, and Blaine hated himself for that; he didn’t think that these memories were things that Bastian should have to read, ever. Why should Bastian have to learn and live through the traumas of his past? Wasn’t it enough that Blaine kept them locked down? The pen scratched furiously as Blaine worked to write down the last bits of his life; from the beatings to the closet, from being passed around like a sex slave to the lives he’s lost. All of it jotted down right into the journal and soon to be read by any and everyone. The more he thought about it, the more agitated he became; but it also meant the faster he wrote. He just wanted this journal done. He wanted it out of his life completely; burned and turned to ashes.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been writing again or how long it had been since Bastian had gotten up, but it was long enough for him to finish the accursed journal. Everything that had happened in his life, everything that had scarred him and nearly destroyed him, everything that should have completely killed him was there in those pages for everyone in the world to read if they so wanted. The very thought of everyone reading this journal sent violent shudders down Blaine’s spine. He promised to himself that, once the trial was completely over, if he got the opportunity, he would find a way to destroy the article; his story didn’t need to be out in the world like that. When the last period was laid Blaine sat staring down at the journal, almost as if he was fortifying himself for what was to come after that; his bottom lip tucking in between his teeth as he worried at the skin there, even peeling a bit of the skin off before he was standing with the journal clutched to his chest. He could do this. He had to do this. He had to be able to get through this and then he would be able to move forward. Isn’t that what everyone at this place was constantly telling him? That he needed to ‘move forward’ and push past everything. Blaine spotted Bastian talking to Marco a ways away and made his way over to them; his fingers tangled in the fur of Binx’ scruff as he silently held the journal out for Bastian, chewing on his lip once more. “All done…..you can-can read it now.”

(Source: boundwithbowties)

Starlight Romance || Seblaine

Sebastian knew how hard talking was for boys like Blaine and Nick, they’d both gone through traumatic experiences. The only way for Nick to become comfortable around any of them was the exact way Blaine had, with patience and time. Seeing how far he’d come it was easy for the people in the facility to forget how difficult things had been in the very beginning for Blaine. That was why Sebastian knew he’d be good for Nick, he’d understand what Nick was going through and be able to help put him at ease and reassure him that they weren’t going to hurt him. He knew Danny was doing his best to help the boy, but he hoped that seeing someone like him would bring Nick more at ease, to trust him. Danny mentioned struggling to get Nick Nick to understand and submit to him, trust him; Sebastian remembered how difficult that was with Blaine at the beginning. “I don’t know, my love.” Sebastian murmured the words softly as he held Blaine in close. He could never get over how selfless this boy was, he’d endured years of torture, struggled daily just to hold himself together—and yet, when it came down to it his first concern wasn’t for himself. It was instead for a boy he’d never even met, someone he was being forced to go through therapy with, and still his first concern was making sure Nick was comfortable too.

“I promise you, we will take it easy with him until we know if he’s comfortable or not, alright?” Sebastian carefully carded his fingers through Blaine’s shaggy curls, brushing his fingers tenderly over the scar to help comfort him. “We’ll keep Binx right beside you and away from him until he’s more comfortable around him.” Sebastian nodded as he continued playing with Blaine’s shaggy curls; he needed to bring up the idea of Blaine getting a haircut soon, but the last time he’d brought it up Blaine had shot him down without a moment of hesitation. He had no idea if it was because of past memories or if he’d just grown accustomed to the weight of the curls and didn’t want to go through more change. Sebastian could understand that and wasn’t going to push the topic just yet. He smiled gently when he felt Blaine burrowing in against his chest, slipping an arm around Blaine’s trim waist and holding him close as he hummed and rocked them ever so gently. “I love you too, my beautiful Biche.”

Blaine let everything that himself and Bastian had just been talking about wash over him; everything about Nick and what he was allowed to know about his past so far as paperwork was concerned, therapy and the myriad of other things all running at full tilt through his mind at the same time. Over the past couple of months Blaine had gotten increasingly better at not getting overwhelmed when he had a lot of things running through his mind and a lot of the credit for that went to Bastian and the amount of time that he had spent helping Blaine adjust. He knew that, even though the idea that group therapy absolutely terrified Blaine he knew that this was a chance he was being given to prove that he was still and could always be a good boy for his Bastian; and best of all it was a way for him to help someone else. As uneasy as Blaine was around strangers, most of the boys that he had seen around the facility reminded him that they were all here for similar reasons and that made him want to help them; even if the simple idea of approaching and talking to them made Blaine have a meltdown internally. He knew that if he could eventually help Nick open up, even if that meant opening up to him himself, then he would give it a shot. He just had to get through the group session without causing himself to shut down completely; and that was the real threat.

The golden eyed boy shut his eyes and let out a small happy groan when he felt Bastian’s fingers gently massaging at his scalp; his tangle of curls falling into his face and tickling his nose uncomfortably as his head fell forward for Bastian. He could feel the slight hesitation in Bastian’s fingers as they played with his curls, the same hesitation he always got lately when it came to his curls, and Blaine knew what that meant. Even though Bastian wouldn’t say anything just yet, Blaine knew that he was trying to figure out a way to approach him with the idea of cutting off some of his curls. But what happened when his scar was visible? He didn’t- He couldn’t let those scars show, not if he wanted to be a good boy. He didn’t want to have those visible reminders of everything that had happened in the past couple of months; he even remembered to keep virtually every other scar he could covered up as well. He didn’t want the chance that Bastian would see them and get upset at all, that would hurt his heart and Bastian didn’t need to see those. Instead Blaine just curled a bit more into Bastian’s lap and snuggled into his chest a bit more as well; he would stay here forever if he wanted to but he knew that there were important things that needed to be done. So after a few more moments Blaine sighed and moved a bit so that he was sitting next to Bastian again; his accursed journal sitting propped in his lap. “I need to finish this.” He said with a voice soft as down.

(Source: boundwithbowties)

Starlight Romance || Seblaine

bastiantheprotector:

Sebastian sighed softly as he set aside the file and paperwork so he could pull Blaine fully onto his lap. He knew that Blaine was beginning to find his place, find his own voice and start to feel happy with him and even Marco. But he knew that Blaine was still haunted by his lifetime of neglect, months of love and physical affection had only a small impact against the life time of abuse and neglect. He rubbed Blaine’s side as he kissed the top of his head with a soft little hum. The fact Blaine was so compassionate to the boy Nick’s story spoke volumes about the strength he had, of course Blaine would never see or believe him if he told him that.  “It is sad, he’s suffered a lot and still won’t talk much even to his own dom at the moment.” Sebastian sighed softly as he continued rubbing Blaine’s side, he knew Blaine and Nick would connect as friends because their stories were incredibly similar, they could learn from each other, lean on each other and more importantly help each other through the hard parts of their recoveries. “But he won’t be completely alone, even though he doesn’t want our help much we’re here to take care of him. It’ll just take time to get him to trust us here at the center.”

Sebastian watched Blaine rub at his head, exactly where he knew the plate resided in his scalp. Sebastian knew the location of every single break, plate and scar on this boy’s body; he’d spent hours and entire days memorizing the location of every injury his Blaine had ever received. He pressed a gentle kiss to the spot where Blaine’s scar was now hidden by unruly curls hoping to comfort him in some way. Sebastian knew that the plate bothered him more than he let on, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it, there might come a day or time when they could look into a better replacement for the plate, but that was a long ways off for them both. Humming softly Sebastian shook his head hugging Blaine’s waist, “Sh, Biche, no. You don’t ever have to force yourself to talk about her or anything with me, you know that. I’m always here to listen when you’re ready to talk, but if that day never comes then that’s alright as well. No one is going to make you talk about her, and if anyone ever tried I would knock them down for it myself.”

What Bastian said about Nick not wanting to talk to anyone, not even his own Dom, about anything that had happened to him at the moment was something that Blaine could relate completely to; he also knew what it was like to have people try and force you to talk about things that you weren’t ready to talk about. The sessions with Dr. Cia still haunted Blaine as it was; it was almost as if they had reverted back to the first week that Blaine had come to the facility with how often he was waking up with nightmares lately. He knew that it was all things that the courts and cops and lawyers absolutely needed but the whole experience had been traumatizing. Even when he had been pushed into his own dulled subspace he had still been forced to relive each and every memory and there was no numbing that pain. Blaine shook his head as he resolved to never push anyone into speaking about anything that they didn’t want to talk about. And he especially resolved to try and be there for Nick. He knew firsthand how scary this place could be and if he could help Nick in any way to see that there were good people at this place then he would do it. “Do you think he’ll like Binx? I don’t- I don’t want him to be scared of him…that might make him afraid to be in the session.”

Blaine’s eyes closed briefly as he felt Bastian’s lips press ever so gently against the scar he had just been rubbing at; Bastian could always tell, no matter how sly Blaine thought he was being, when he was in pain and needed just that little bit of touch. Looking down, Blaine nodded at Bastian’s words; his unruly curls falling into his face as he tried to just really absorb what Bastian was saying to him. He knew without a doubt that Bastian would wait for him to tell him on his own terms but Blaine wasn’t sure if he actually would ever want to tell anyone about those events. And he didn’t want to make Bastian wait forever, thinking that Blaine never wanted to open up to him about anything. It was quite the opposite, actually. Blaine wanted to share everything with his Bastian, tell him everything he knew and heard but he just didn’t know how to yet. Blaine hoped that he would figure out how to soon because he felt like he wasn’t as there for Bastian as the other man was for him. “I love you, Bastian.” He said in a soft whisper as he nuzzled back into Bastian’s arms.

(Source: boundwithbowties)

So, Marco and Bastian explained to me what Valentine’s day was about. And, although I think that you should tell the person you love every day that you love them, I thought I would try and do something special for Bastian. Marco helped me while Bastian was at a meeting. The nurses weren’t happy that I was using their blankets again, but Marco said they can ‘sod off’. Happy Valentine’s Day, Bastian. I love you.

Starlight Romance || Seblaine

Sebastian Wrapped his arms around Blaine to keep him tucked closed into his side. He knew that Blaine was on the verge of being seriously overwhelmed by everything that was happening—and of course Sebastian couldn’t blame him. The trial date was approaching fast and despite his yelling and arguing and deal making, it was looking more and more like Blaine would have to physically get on the stand to be questioned and testify against his father. Sebastian knew they would have days leading up to the trial where he’d be able to prep with Blaine in the court room, show him everything that was going to happen and where he’d be sitting the entire time in case Blaine needed him—but ultimately it was still going to be a hard experience for Blaine to go through. All he could do was help support him and make sure he knew that Sebastian wasn’t going anywhere and that no matter what he’d help him through it. He’d keep reminding Blaine of all the good things in the world, all the happy moments they would have one day, all the ways that they would one day be free of his father. He just had to help his boy get through this last major hurdle. Everything after this trial would feel like a cake walk in comparison, like another day at the beach.

Sebastian rubbed Blaine’s arm gently as he let him study Nick’s picture, since he was keeping Nick’s personal information hidden he wasn’t breaching any security rules letting Blaine see it. Besides, he knew Blaine didn’t react well to strange faces, and he hoped getting Blaine accustomed to seeing the face would ease the stress of meeting him. He sighed softly at Blaine’s question before shaking his head, debating how much to tell him, “No, he doesn’t. He has no family, and the masters who had him aren’t fighting for him either. He’s on his own without us here in the facility helping him.” It was a sad turn of events, but in all honesty it was how things usually went, it was incredibly rare for a boy to have family still living or anyone looking for them, and it was equally rare to have a master fight them tooth and nail for a boy. They always blustered and yelled, but usually tapered off after a few weeks, they only went to court maybe three or four times a year, and considering how many boys they helped that was a small fraction of their dealings. He shook his head as he pressed a kiss to Blaine’s curls, “No, Biche, I’ve told the doctors that is off limits for now. That is a topic that will only come up if you yourself bring it up to them.”

As Bastian held him, Blaine pushed all the negative thoughts he could out of his head; there would be time enough for the lawyers, time enough for the questions, time enough for the memories and time enough for the heart wrenching fear that usually gripped his heart when he thought about the man that had raised him. And he used the term ‘raised’ incredibly lightly because as far as he was concerned that man would have just locked him in a closet and left him to die if it wasn’t for….for her. No, here in Bastian’s arms he didn’t have to worry about any of that. The sun was shining on him, the storm clouds from the beach hadn’t quite reached them yet, and Binx was lying at their feet chewing on his toy while Bastian had his arms surrounding him. Right now was good and perfect; right now was all he needed. And the picture before him showed the face of a scared boy that looked like he just needed a friend. As much as it terrified Blaine he could see himself being this boy’s friend. “I know what it’s like to be alone. If I didn’t have you and Marco….or if I was still with Marcus….at least I think I know how he feels. But to not have anyone fighting for him….that’s sad.”

Blaine gave a slight wince when he reached up and rubbed at the scar for the plate; even though the storm clouds weren’t there yet he could just feel them approaching. Just as soon as he was rubbing his head was he putting his hand back into his lap. He knew that Bastian would worry if he caught him rubbing at it, he always did, and there wasn’t anything to worry over. It wasn’t like it was this unimaginable pain that he used to have on a daily basis; this was manageable and unimportant. So he just gave a soft hum and snuggled as close to Bastian as he could. “Thank you. I just….that’s not something I want to talk about with anyone else yet. And even if I did…the only person I’d want to talk to about it would be you.” He still felt a little bad that he wasn’t even ready to talk about it with Bastian yet but he knew that Bastian would wait; he had said that he would never push him to talk. Bastian had promised and so far Bastian had kept every one of his promises that he had ever made. “I’ll talk soon….I’ll try to talk soon. I promise.” He said softly.

(Source: boundwithbowties)